Daleks in School
by Eric Fung
Summary: A resistor dalek is ordered to go to a human school as an exchange student. Hilarity ensues.


749-2574-930 Personal Log

Eric Fung, 3A (10), an actually, properly real human being wrote this. Enjoy.

I am a dalek drone. Designation 749-2574-930 of the Dalek Empire from Skaro. I have come to Earth for an activity the local lifeforms know as "being and exchange student". So yeah, that's kind of awkward having me around.

Have you ever heard of doctor who? Like the TV series? It has part of my history, a history from long ago, like really _really_ long ago, but a part of my history nonetheless. I was the doctor Davros who lobotomized us and sent us on the quest for ultimate extermination, utter annihilation of everything else, unlimited rice pudding etc etc, but since the one in a billion dalek incident, where a malfunction on the production line skipped the hidden lobotomy process, creating the resistance leader 830-4628-039, who has led my side of the dalek civil war since 20,574 BC.

So yeah. While my brothers go to war, I am kind of stuck on a saucer headed for Earth to entertain the humans. No. I am not joking, but seriously, after the Truce, we are working together to rid the universe of the remaining Imperials and I shall show my respect to the humans.

It is always a constraint to have a number instead of a name, and so on my first day ever on Earth, I was introduced to the irrelevant ideologies the humans have, and assigned the name Ethan. Soon after I passed immigration and a honest-to-god x-ray scan, (Pff! X-rays! Such barbarians…) I was finally allowed to come in contact with my "schoolmates" in an educational facility known as "UCCKE".

As you can imagine, I strolled in leisurely into my quarters, called a "dorm" apparently, and immediately started blowing holes in my door. (We are always armed, not in the sense that we have arms, obviously, but we always have weapons, it's a dalek thing) The councilor yelled stop, and I managed to obey. What was I going to do to get in anyway?

Well that was an awkward first impression, as I had no knowledge of "door handles" at the time. More chaos ensured in "class", where I simply stood there trying to look whimsical (whimsical does _not_ come easily to us daleks) and creative and interested. When finally the supreme commander and diabolical dictator of the classroom, known as a "teacher", asked me an obviously irrelevant personal question: what did I feel about my name. Everybody breathed curiously and produced "heh, heh" noises that I would later identify as laughter. "I o-bey." In response to their noise, I used a human quote from my database and added a "personal" touch. "Sticks and stones may break my eh- bones, but words are merely the smallest element of language capable of containing meaning and beauty and as such could never directly produce the 4000 Newtons per centimeter required to break your pathetic human bones," All the teacher could do was stand there and sputter. "I ah-pologise for my despicable attitude, was it something I said?" I enquired politely.

After 20 planetary rotations I am now confident that I have learned the gist of human ideologies: don't show off, don't wreck things and do the things everyone else is doing. I admit: I have become desensitized by the humans, whose laughter I find somewhat contagious.

I understand that I am now "fitting in", as my companions call me pseudo-names such as "Khan", which I approve of. Irrelevant it is, but relevance and "fun" are fundamentally oxymorons. After being forced to write a ridiculous "poem" on yesterday's English class, I believe I am feeling what you humans call "embarrassment". Here it is, shamelessly.

If thy ever witness a frolicking hare or a chirping sparrow,

Or something cliché'd like a whimsical sunflower,

I wish the atmosphere on Earth was as toxic as Skaro's,

And the oceans drained, the forests flattened and the flowers _exterminated_.

As you can see I am working on the whimsical digestion part, but I have learned a lot on Earth nonetheless, as human emotions are not as useless as I thought they'd be.

I have to go.

*whizzzzz*


End file.
